Wednesday, May 21, 2014

5th semester, check

west beach
Hey everyone!

I just finished my 4th final and I have one left tonight. This week is always so stressful, but I feel so good now that my envs final is over. I seriously studied 14 days for this exam, and I finally thought I had everything figured out..until I took the exam. I feel like I did good though, so I am crossing my fingers for an A or at least a B!

view from my parents house in Vasteras, Sweden
My roommates are really the best. When I was locked in my room studying yesterday, they cleaned the entire apartment so it was literally shining when I got up this morning! And as I was studying in the library this morning, Louise even cleaned MY room! How awesome is that. Love you both!

me and my nephew holding hands
So now that my last real semester is over at SBCC I feel kind of empty.. I still have summer school left but the though just hit me; that I won't be walking over this campus anymore, eating my favorite wraps, drink my tea and read outside the west campus cafeteria and so on. That is a very weird feeling. I am going to miss it like crazy. All the classes and all the people I have gotten to know during my time here. It's sad. But life goes on and I have plans that I cannot share with all of you just yet..

And I'm going to Sweden next Friday! That is something I really look forward to. The first stop will be at my sister's house in Stockholm to visit my favorite person in the entire world; my nephew! I am beyond excited. California, Sweden and London, all in 10 days..I will really have to plan my time wisely to be able to see everyone!

Me and Louise are celebrating tonight btw, that we made it though our 5th semester and because we will have the best summer ever together in Santa Barbara.
I feel like my life is taking a turn, or I know that it is, and it is something that I did not plan at all, but sometimes life just happens, and leave you with no choice but to do what you have to do.

I am so high on life, and I thank myself daily for pushing myself into coming to SB and to study even though I was older than the average student. I tell everyone all the time that it is never too late to change your life to the better. I believe in following your inner desires because no one wants to live with regret. I feel confident about who I am here and I have noticed significant changes in myself since I left Sweden. I have grown every semester and I am so proud of myself for everything that I've accomplished.

east beach
A special Thanks to my english teacher who taught me more about myself and what I want than anyone has ever done. It's scary to think that I was debating if I should take that eng 111 or public speaking like a week before the semester started, and I was leaning towards taking public speaking.. No one is happier than me that I didn't.

I will post one last time before I leave next Friday!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

My very last day!

Hey everyone,

My last day
So this is my very last day as an intern for the Marketing Department at SBCC. My feelings are very mixed and I can't believe I will not be sitting here with Victor by my side anymore! But I am so happy because I have so many memories that I will keep forever. Thinking back at this time there are certain things that stand out, like my very first day when Melanie asked me to look for bridal pictures online, the marketing campaign I got to be in charge for when SBCC won the number 1 community college in the nation, when me and Melanie shot pictures for the summer school cover on the beach, interviewing prospecting bloggers..and many more! I am sure going to miss all of you so much!

And this week at work was really fun. It was Karen's birthday yesterday so me, Victor and Melanie met up on Tuesday night in Karens office and filled it with 500 balloons! Our fingers bled and our ears were completely numb afterwards because of the noise coming out of the big machine we used but it was so much fun! And totally worth it. Karen was really surprised on her birthday, and if she's happy, I'm happy!

And today, on my very last day, I just came inside after a photo shoot around campus with the amazing Gabe! We took pictures of me at different locations for the school to use. It was a lot of fun and I will get some pretty amazing pictures that I can keep as a memory from my time at SBCC. I'll try to get them up here. He is such a great photographer.
So I had a good last week at work, and I actually feel less stressed than I have been in like a year. I wonder if that has to do with the fact that I am staying here this summer, because it hit me this week; I always get stressed and sick at the end of every semester and I have naturally just assumed that it has to do with finals but what if it had to do with me being close to going home? If that's what is stressing me out. Because I usually leave SB right after finals is done every semester. And this semester I'm leaving 10 days after finals and I'll be back here again really soon, and I am so excited to spend the summer here it's insane. I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.

I feel like I finally zoned out of all of the negative stuff that I've had in my life and I feel so free. I am walking on clouds and I never ever want to come down. It is because of all of the amazing people I am surrounded by and all of the awesome things I get to do that I know I would have never done if I had stayed in Sweden. I have sort of always known that there is a possibility I might go back and stay here forever, and that is because I realized that I belong here more than I do in Sweden. That's the hard truth, because my family and friends are there so it is a tough decision but one that might be necessary for me to keep my happiness.

To be continued guys..
I will try to keep posting until the semester end!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Golden weekend.


getting ready
So I told you all about how a women stopped her car and asked me to be a part of this event on Thursday. What I did was: wear a golden bikini, golden heels, a blonde wig, fake lashes all covered in golden body paint! I got to bring Louise as moral support too, and when we arrived at Saks around 4.30 we got directions to head up to the third floor where the dressing room for me and this other girl was. I met Sarah who was my fellow gold finger girl, and Maria who was the makeup artist.
After 90 minutes of painting, powdering and hairspraying us, we were ready to hit the party!
I got placed by the backdrop where all the guests who arrived took their picture with me! At first, I felt really awkward, posing in a bikini with strangers but I got used to it and I had so much fun!

Me and Sarah before we entered the party
All the guests were really appreciative, and I got so many complements! Everyone thought it was amazing what we did, so it was definitely worth it even though I had to take about 4 showers before all the gold got washed off my body. On Friday morning I still had gold in my ears that I couldn't get out haha.

When I moved to SB I decided to become a "yes-sayer" because that is how you get to experience new things and step out of your comfort zone, and that is what I did on Thursday, for sure. I'm really glad I did it.

So, Friday was our last blog meeting and we had a little pizza party with all the bloggers. It was so nice to see everyone and just sit down and talk about everyones lives. I'm really going to miss all of you guys! It's been so much fun to work with these blogs.

On Saturday we had a little goodbye dinner for Kirstine who is leaving us for Switzerland and Denmark today. We were 6 girls and we went to Eureka, and I had the naked fig burger with sweet potato fries and I always die a little when I eat it, it's soooo good. After dinner we went to Cadiz, and then me and Louise ended up at Tonic. We had a good night!
I'm glad I will get to see you again in August before I leave Kirstine! I will miss you this summer though..

Yesterday was spent on the beach and then I fell asleep around 10 pm which is standard for me. 8 hours of sleep every night from 10pm till 6 am. I am really a morning person, and I love to go out for a walk every morning before breakfast.

2 weeks left of lectures and then finals week. We're almost done with Spring semester.. I can't believe how time flies.  Have a good week!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Only in the U.S


I am so excited today! I actually woke up this morning thinking that this would just be another Thursday with yoga and work, then go home to do HW for the rest of the night. Was I wrong..
After yoga class, walking down the street a women stops her car and starts talking to me. She is in charge of this event tonight at SAKS fifth avenue and she needs me to be a part of it.. The Teddy Bear Cancer Foundation is hosting a James Bond theme event. I'm not gonna tell you what I will be doing yet but check out my blog for pictures on Monday! I am really nervous but super excited! These chances only come once in a lifetime and I couldn't say no.

My favorite tea; Yogi Stress Relief
Other than that, I am really excited to tell you all that I will be spending the summer in SB! I am still going home on May 30th but I will only be home for 12 days before I go back here and attend summer school, to finish up with a math class so I'll get my AA degree. I feel like that is the best solution to everything. I'll get some more time here, and my roommates don't have to worry about finding a temporary roommate for the summer. Plus, I can pack my two bags full with stuff to bring home in the end of May, so I don't have to worry about getting everything home in one flight. I'm so happy!
I'll be going home again on August 15th.

Oh, and the weather is completely insane here right now. Yesterday, it was like 95 degrees, (34 celsius) and I think it's even hotter today! I know, you shouldn't complain, but the thing is that we are worried about fires here since we are in a severe drought and this heat plus the wind is not a good thing at all. So I really hope it will cool down soon!

 Tomorrow, I'll be stopping by one of my teachers to talk about an essay and then after that I really need to study before we have our last blog meeting and pizza party. I look forward to it.
And on Saturday we are probably going out to a "good bye dinner" for Kirstine since she is leaving for Denmark on Monday. We will miss you!!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Monday, April 28, 2014

In my confused mind


the new public market
Hope you all had a great weekend! Mine was good, I met a lot of nice people and tried out a new dinner spot! Hungry Cat on Chapala. I liked it a lot actually! It's a really nice place, who specializes on seafood. Me and Louise had the chicken sandwich though and the waitress laughed at us, but it was really delicious! We shared a bottle of wine and were the last guests to leave the place around 11 pm. She went out, but I got in a cab and went home, I was too sleepy and didn't feel like going out!

This weekend was Earth Day festival in Alameda Park! I went there with Kirstine on Saturday and it was nice. There were a lot of people and different things to do and eat. We stayed for a while then we went across State Street to West Victoria and stopped by the new market the "santa barbara public market". You have to go if you haven't already! I absolutely loved it.
public market

On Sunday I decided to take a long walk in the sun, before I skyped with my younger sister who I miss like crazy! Then I went to the gym and after that I went down to leadbetter for some much needed relaxation on the beach.

public market
 I feel like I am constantly moving from outgoing and happy to introverted and closed. I have so much stuff on my mind that I really need to clear. Although I don't think I ever will. My heart is screaming: Stay in SB. My brain is telling me to move back home and try to live a "real life" in Sweden just because that is what I should do. Once again the shoulds are taking over. I think about people back home who I might disappoint if I don't stay in Sweden and that is killing me. I am mad at myself for putting me in this situation where I no longer feel like I alone am in charge of my decisions.

This is a difficult thing guys! I am really struggling and right now I am looking at registration for summer school classes. Everyone that knows me know that my entire life, I have been a person who make decisions and just stick to them. Since I moved to SB, that has changed I'll tell you.. I am horrible at making up my mind and I am so scared of making the wrong decision. I feel like when something is completely right for you, you just know.

I'm so sorry for going on and on about this, but it's taking up a lot of my mind. But, there's only 3 weeks left of lectures! Which is crazy, and I always get amazed by how quick time goes by.
And on Friday we are having our last blog meeting and a little pizza party that I really look forward to! I only have 3 more days left at work.. that is sad, I'm gonna miss you all so much!

Much love,

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Hard work pays off!

I have to start by saying Congratulations to one of my bloggers, Helena for getting in at UCLA! I had the biggest smile on my face when I read about it in her blog ( ) and all I keep thinking is that hard work really pays off. Honestly, you can du whatever you want! Just put your mind to it. Change your life, change your path! Live your dreams, because one day it will be too late and you are left with tons of regret.
I will never regret anything I do because I follow my heart, that's what I've done since January 2012.

Corner of State/Cabrillo
I am still debating if I'm making the right decision or not. I know that I want to get my BA and I could do it in 1 year at Antioch University here in Santa Barbara. I'm still going home in May but if I feel like I will have a hard time finding a job or that I just don't feel happy in Sweden, then I'm moving back.
And thinking about that makes it easier to cope with the idea of leaving in May.

Anyways, this week have been so great! I feel like a new person. The stress is almost entirely gone because I got my environmental studies test back and I passed it! I always aim for A's in all my classes but this class has been so hard for me, so I will be completely thrilled if I get a B in this class. Mostly because environmental studies is not in my area if interest. Even though it is really important and I learn a lot, I still have a hard time with it. It is in fact a science class and I have a hard time understanding all of the words the teacher uses. But, I passed my 2 midterms so that was a huge stress relief!

yoga this morning
Plus I went to yoga this morning and that was the best thing I could have done. I always feel so good after yoga, so calm and happy. It was hard today though, a lot of warrior postures held for a long time, so your legs are burning! But I love it. They have a variety of classes at 24 hour fitness and the price is not too bad.

I'm meeting a friend of mine tonight at Blush for a glass of wine that I haven't seen in a while so I'm really excited about that! The weather is so great right now, feels like summer! And everyone is happy. I really love this time of year!

I wish you all a wonderful weekend!

Monday, April 21, 2014

What is real?

My feelings about moving back home are changing rapidly. I had some sort of epiphany this weekend and I sort of panicked a little bit. It suddenly became real. I  am  not  going  to  live  here  anymore.
This gorgeous town that is my home, more than my hometown is my home.

farmers market
farmers market
This weekend was one of the best weekends since I came back in January. Me and Kirstine went to the food fare at Antioch and ate tons of food, and it was so good. Then we went down to ArchRock and had a few glasses of wine before we left for Sean's art show at DNA. It was packed as always, and we had a lot of fun. Met some nice people, mingled, and had some cheese haha.

farmers market

 Saturday we walked down town and bought some take away tea and went to the farmers market which I love. You get a certain feeling when you walk around the farmers market. After that I felt like I had to clear my head so I went for a long walk to East Beach and back, just taking everything in.
And after that I went to Leadbetter and just relaxed for a few hours.

Sunday was probably the best day of this weekend though, since we went sailing! It was the perfect day for a sail and me and Kirstine had a nice relaxing day on the boat with some wine and cheese again.

I feel completely relaxed this week, and I know it is because of the homework my english teacher gave me: have fun Malena. It might sound weird, but he gets me. He gave me the best HW he could possibly do, because he knows that I study really hard and that sometimes you have to just let go and relax, so that's what I did! And I feel like a new person. I feel like me again and I love it.

So to the question What is Real? Are the feelings I have toward moving back home now real? Or are the feelings I had a few weeks ago about wanting to start a new life real?
You know what, time will tell. Santa Barbara will still be here, and so will my hometown. What matters is what my heart wants.

Have a great week!