In my confused mind

Hi!

the new public market

Hope you all had a great weekend! Mine was good, I met a lot of nice people and tried out a new dinner spot! Hungry Cat on Chapala. I liked it a lot actually! It's a really nice place, who specializes on seafood. Me and Louise had the chicken sandwich though and the waitress laughed at us, but it was really delicious! We shared a bottle of wine and were the last guests to leave the place around 11 pm. She went out, but I got in a cab and went home, I was too sleepy and didn't feel like going out!

This weekend was Earth Day festival in Alameda Park! I went there with Kirstine on Saturday and it was nice. There were a lot of people and different things to do and eat. We stayed for a while then we went across State Street to West Victoria and stopped by the new market the "santa barbara public market". You have to go if you haven't already! I absolutely loved it.

public market

On Sunday I decided to take a long walk in the sun, before I skyped with my younger sister who I miss like crazy! Then I went to the gym and after that I went down to leadbetter for some much needed relaxation on the beach.

public market

 I feel like I am constantly moving from outgoing and happy to introverted and closed. I have so much stuff on my mind that I really need to clear. Although I don't think I ever will. My heart is screaming: Stay in SB. My brain is telling me to move back home and try to live a "real life" in Sweden just because that is what I should do. Once again the shoulds are taking over. I think about people back home who I might disappoint if I don't stay in Sweden and that is killing me. I am mad at myself for putting me in this situation where I no longer feel like I alone am in charge of my decisions.

This is a difficult thing guys! I am really struggling and right now I am looking at registration for summer school classes. Everyone that knows me know that my entire life, I have been a person who make decisions and just stick to them. Since I moved to SB, that has changed I'll tell you.. I am horrible at making up my mind and I am so scared of making the wrong decision. I feel like when something is completely right for you, you just know.

I'm so sorry for going on and on about this, but it's taking up a lot of my mind. But, there's only 3 weeks left of lectures! Which is crazy, and I always get amazed by how quick time goes by.
And on Friday we are having our last blog meeting and a little pizza party that I really look forward to! I only have 3 more days left at work.. that is sad, I'm gonna miss you all so much!

Much love,

Hard work pays off!

UCLA

I have to start by saying Congratulations to one of my bloggers, Helena for getting in at UCLA! I had the biggest smile on my face when I read about it in her blog ( http://sbcchelena.blogspot.com/2014/04/huge-relief.html ) and all I keep thinking is that hard work really pays off. Honestly, you can du whatever you want! Just put your mind to it. Change your life, change your path! Live your dreams, because one day it will be too late and you are left with tons of regret.
I will never regret anything I do because I follow my heart, that's what I've done since January 2012.

Corner of State/Cabrillo

I am still debating if I'm making the right decision or not. I know that I want to get my BA and I could do it in 1 year at Antioch University here in Santa Barbara. I'm still going home in May but if I feel like I will have a hard time finding a job or that I just don't feel happy in Sweden, then I'm moving back.
And thinking about that makes it easier to cope with the idea of leaving in May.

Anyways, this week have been so great! I feel like a new person. The stress is almost entirely gone because I got my environmental studies test back and I passed it! I always aim for A's in all my classes but this class has been so hard for me, so I will be completely thrilled if I get a B in this class. Mostly because environmental studies is not in my area if interest. Even though it is really important and I learn a lot, I still have a hard time with it. It is in fact a science class and I have a hard time understanding all of the words the teacher uses. But, I passed my 2 midterms so that was a huge stress relief!

yoga this morning

Plus I went to yoga this morning and that was the best thing I could have done. I always feel so good after yoga, so calm and happy. It was hard today though, a lot of warrior postures held for a long time, so your legs are burning! But I love it. They have a variety of classes at 24 hour fitness and the price is not too bad.


I'm meeting a friend of mine tonight at Blush for a glass of wine that I haven't seen in a while so I'm really excited about that! The weather is so great right now, feels like summer! And everyone is happy. I really love this time of year!

I wish you all a wonderful weekend!

What is real?

My feelings about moving back home are changing rapidly. I had some sort of epiphany this weekend and I sort of panicked a little bit. It suddenly became real. I  am  not  going  to  live  here  anymore.
This gorgeous town that is my home, more than my hometown is my home.

farmers market

farmers market

This weekend was one of the best weekends since I came back in January. Me and Kirstine went to the food fare at Antioch and ate tons of food, and it was so good. Then we went down to ArchRock and had a few glasses of wine before we left for Sean's art show at DNA. It was packed as always, and we had a lot of fun. Met some nice people, mingled, and had some cheese haha.

farmers market

 Saturday we walked down town and bought some take away tea and went to the farmers market which I love. You get a certain feeling when you walk around the farmers market. After that I felt like I had to clear my head so I went for a long walk to East Beach and back, just taking everything in.
And after that I went to Leadbetter and just relaxed for a few hours.

Sunday was probably the best day of this weekend though, since we went sailing! It was the perfect day for a sail and me and Kirstine had a nice relaxing day on the boat with some wine and cheese again.

I feel completely relaxed this week, and I know it is because of the homework my english teacher gave me: have fun Malena. It might sound weird, but he gets me. He gave me the best HW he could possibly do, because he knows that I study really hard and that sometimes you have to just let go and relax, so that's what I did! And I feel like a new person. I feel like me again and I love it.

So to the question What is Real? Are the feelings I have toward moving back home now real? Or are the feelings I had a few weeks ago about wanting to start a new life real?
You know what, time will tell. Santa Barbara will still be here, and so will my hometown. What matters is what my heart wants.

Have a great week!

Change of plans

I just have to start off by saying: I feel so much better.

I found it very helpful to just talk about how I felt about everything that I have on my plate right now. My teachers, my roommates, my parents and my supervisors now all know about the stress that I am dealing with and that feels so good. I am glad that no one reacted and thought that I was making excuses, everyone is so understanding and that makes me so grateful!

So this weekend, I was supposed to go to Coachella. But I didn't. I sold my ticket because I feel like I need to hold on to the money I've got before I move back home. I will not start working in Sweden until August 1st so it was a necessary decision that I made, but I am really sad that I will miss Lana del Rey! She is one of my favorite artists of all time, I absolutely love her (check out her latest song: http://youtu.be/o3SqUUoJjW8)

But tomorrow me and Kirstine are going to the annual Food Fare that SBCC Ambassadors are hosting at Antioch between 4-6 pm. After that we are probably going to ArchRock for their happy hour, and then to DNA for my good friend Sean Blake's art show. I am so excited about that! He is so incredibly talented. And on Saturday it's my roommate Jenny's birthday! So it will be a good weekend even though it won't be Coachella!

I did go last year, so I've already had the experience and it was so amazing. I miss my friend Elvira who I went with all the time. She is probably the one that I've met here that I miss the most!

And now it's only 6 weeks left until I move back home. It's super scary, exciting, awful and wonderful all at the same time. I am really stressing about HOW I am going to pack all my stuff into 2 bags a 20 kg each... What is good though, is that I am flying out with Norweigian and they are flying nonstop to Stockholm! That is awesome, because my flight time will be like 11 hours instead of 18 that it usually takes when I have to make a stop. 

Have a great weekend!

You are the most important person in your life

our beautiful harbor

I have been thinking a lot today. I woke up and felt sick because I was so dizzy I couldn't move, nor get out of bed. I called both my mom and dad because I was really scared, I have never felt like that before.
After some slow moving, I got out of bed after like 45 minutes and got some oatmeal. I felt better but this entire day have been a blur.

What I realized today is that what I immediately thought of was "I can't be sick, I have to get my tax forms in, I have a review for the midterm in my class, I have work.." And that bothers me. If I was completely in charge of my life, I would have stayed in bed the entire day with tons of tea. But I did all those things I had to, and now I feel completely numb. My heart is beating super fast and I am mad at myself for not listening to my body, which is the most important thing in my life, it IS my life. All the "I have to do's" took over today.

Another thing I thought about is that feeling I always get when I tell someone that I am feeling sick, that feeling of "they don't really believe me".  The feeling that they all believe I am so weak and dramatic that I just imagine all these symptoms. But I am not imagining this. Stress has once again taken over and I am standing here without a clue how to handle it.

When I was 20, I could work 50 hours a week and be out partying on the weekends, sleep 5 hours a night, always on top. But something happened. I changed. (And I got older) I'm not going into detail, but I have a past that has taught me a lot, and that is why my thoughts today has been bothering me.. I know better. I need to get rid of stress, eliminate some stuff. And I can't do everything 100%. No one can. it's about prioritizing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself because your life is happening right now. Not when you get a job, not when you meet the love of your life, not when you have your first baby etc..It Is Happening Right Now. This is it.

Oh, and Easter is coming up. Give me an easter egg filled with Marabou chocolate and you will make my life a little bit easier.

Have a great week, and promise me to think twice before all those musts take over your day!

10.000 pageviews

Hey!

Santa Barbara pier

I just reached 10.000 page views which I think is pretty fun! And I am getting comments: different opinions and what readers want me to blog about. One person thought I should show more pictures of where I live and SB in general, and another one wondered about the marketing program at SBCC. So I will dedicate this blogpost to you guys.

Shoreline park which is a 2 minute walk from my house

First of all, the place where I live now is my third apartment since I moved here in Jan 2012. I actually lived on the same street my very first semester, then DT at Anapamu street before I ended up back on Oceano again. I literally have SBCC as my neighbor, takes me about 1 minute to walk to my desk in the BC building, so this location is awesome. Plus, I see the ocean from our front door.
Santa Barbara really is a beautiful place. The views still takes my breath away! And all the restaurants, cafes, shops, Paseo Nuevo (an "outdoor mall") and the entire State Street DT is so pretty! I like DT Santa Barbara because it's so cute. It's really cozy.

State Street

Now to studying marketing at SBCC. I have really enjoyed taking marketing here! I have taken every single marketing class that this college offers. (even though that is not required for the marketing certificate or the AA) I did it because I wanted to. Go to this link: http://www.sbcc.edu/apply/files/cert/mkt.pdf to find out what classes you need for the certificate, and this link http://www.sbcc.edu/apply/files/aa_as/mkt.pdf  to know what classes you need for the AA degree.

our campus

What is both good and bad, is that when you take a lot of different marketing classes, some of the content will be similar to other classes you take, although they are completely different.

the bridge between east and west campus

I like that marketing is such a broad major. I will continue my career in sales and I have learned so much about it it for example in Marketing 120, Relationship Selling, MKT 125 Customer Service and in MKT 205, Consumer selling strategies. If you are into PR, I am taking a great PR class right now, and if you are into marketing strategies and "commercials" I loved the class MKT 203 Marketing Communications. So there are a lot of ways you can make a career in marketing! And the classes provided at SBCC are really good, I have learned a lot.
A good thing is always to have good relationships with your teachers, look at me: I got recommended by one of my teachers for this internship!



 Tomorrow is our annual Spring preview day, so I will be working with my new marketing partner Gabe at the event, taking pictures. I hope the weather will be good! We have a weird fog for a few days, but hopefully it's gone tomorrow. Happy Thursday everyone!

The countdown has begun

Hello Monday and week 10 (I think?) of spring semester! I am certainly back in to my old routines after spring break and I studied a lot this weekend. Although on Thursday, I went to LA and stayed at Le Montrose Suite Hotel in West Hollywood and it was really great. They had a rooftop pool and a tennis court, and the room was really big and had a fireplace.

not the best pic, but view from the rooftop

I will try to focus on school now though, and just enjoy my last weeks in Santa Barbara. I love it so much, but at the same time I feel like I am ready to leave. I look forward to a new phase in my life and I am ready for it. So the countdown has begun, I'm coming HOME in 8 weeks! But I will certainly look for a small house or apartment in or around SB as a vacation home in the future!

I didn't get sick this entire winter but my time came now.. I've been feeling pain in my chest while running, and it has only been getting worse. So this morning i woke up and had a sore throat, chest pain and just really tired. I am in school and at work though, so I'm fine, but I just hope it'll go away so I can workout again.

the room

I turned in my essay in english 111 this morning, that I worked really hard on. It was about the hero's journey that I wrote about before. And morning was a special morning in that class too, since we made a big circle of all of our desks so we could all se each other instead of just sitting in lines. I like that because you feel like you interact more with everyone, and honestly, I saw faces of people in my class today that I have never seen! I always, always sit in the very front of all my classes, so I never even see the people behind me. That is so sad to me. All the classrooms should have a big circle of desks!

Anyways, time for a blog meeting now. Have a wonderful week everyone!